IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS? HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ... [BLANK], PROFESSOR OF PHILOSOPY / STANFORD UNIVERSITY / BUILDING 100, ROOM 1020 / STANFORD, CA 94305-2155 / DEAR DR. [BLANK] -- YOU ARE ONE OF THE FOREMOST PHILOSOPHICAL LEADERS IN SEEKING ANSWERS TO LIFE'S MOST FUNDAMENTAL QUESTIONS, SO IT IS OF COURSE ONLY NATURAL THAT YOU WOULD COME TO ME. I THANK YOU FOR YOUR INQUIRY. NOW, AS TO YOUR FIRST QUESTION, DO YOU EXIST, IT IS MY UNFORTUNATE DUTY TO REPORT THAT THE ANSWER IS NO, YOU IN FACT DO NOT EXIST. I DID A MATH FORMULA TO PROVE IT, WHICH FELIX HAS VERIFIED. I KNOW THIS IS DEEPLY DISTRESSING NEWS, BUT HEY, DO YOU THINK IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO REPORT IT? ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, NOW THOSE OTHER NAGGING QUESTIONS DON'T SEEM TO MATTER SO MUCH ANYMORE, YOU BETCHA. THAT'S GOT TO BE SOMEWHAT OF A RELIEF. INCIDENTALLY, HOW MANY CATEGORICAL SYLLOGISMS CAN YOU COME UP WITH IN THE FORM OF HAIKU? IT'S A HOOT!