IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS? HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ... [BLANK], DIRECTOR / FEDERAL AGENCY SERVICES / FEDERAL CITIZEN INFO CENTER / DEPARTMENT WWW / PUEBLO, COLORADO 81009 / DEAR MS. [BLANK] -- I AM A LEADING RESEARCHER. JUST ASK MORLEY. PENELOPE WILL BE HAPPY TO VOUCH FOR ME ALSO, IF SHE'S NOT NAPPING. NOW THAT THAT'S ESTABLISHED, THERE'S A VERY IMPORTANT STUDY THAT MUST BE DONE USING FEDERALLY FUNDED DOLLARS. IT'S CALLED "RESEARCHERS WHO RESEARCH RESEARCHERS." I AM WORKING ON A SUBTITLE. (SUGGESTIONS?) THIS IS CLEARLY AN UNDER-REPRESENTED GROUP THAT HAS BEEN IN THE SHADOWS FOR TOO LONG. WHAT DO THEY EAT. HOW DO THEY COMMUNICATE? DO THEY HAVE FASHION? THESE ARE THINGS THE PUBLIC MUST KNOW. I WILL BE HAPPY TO LOOK INTO IT FOR YOU. MY CREDENTIALS PRECEDE ME. I HAVE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED THE BALD PEACOCK (SAN DIEGO ZOO) AND ALSO INVENTED A NEW ELEMENT, AMONG OTHER STARTLING ACHEIVEMENTS. MY BRILLIANCE IS SURPASSED ONLY BY MY HUMILITY, WHICH I PRIDE MYSELF ON.