IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS? HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ... VANCE A. FUNK III, MAYOR / CITY OF NEWARK / 220 ELKTON RD. / P.O. BOX 390 / NEWARK, DELAWARE 19715
DEAR MR. FUNK -- THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING ME ABOUT WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CITY A FINE AND UPSTANDING PLACE WHERE PEOPLE WANT TO REAR FAMILIES AND OTHER SUCH THINGS. THAT'S WHAT I DO, ADVISE PEOPLE IN DILEMAS, LIKE THAT ONE GUY WHO HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE GOLD-FISH. HE WAS MUCH APPRECIATIVE. I LIKE YOUR IDEA OF STARTING BY CHANGING THE CITY NAME (SO AS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THAT "OTHER" NEWARK). YOU MENTIONED "NEW NEWARK" OR "BRAND NEWARK." DON'T BE BASHFUL. LET'S PICK A NAME THAT REFLECTS THE COOLEST THING ABOUT YOUR CITY: YOU. I'VE NARROWED IT DOWN TO TWO CHOICES: "VANCEVILLE" OR "FUNKY-TOWNE." YOUR PICK! WE WILL UNVEIL IT AT THIS YEAR'S AVOCADO PIE CONTEST (WHICH IS ALWAYS A WEEK AFTER THE AVOCADO PIE EATING CONTEST ... WHY IS THAT ?!?)