IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS? HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ... [BLANK] JOHNSON / SECURITY NATIONAL FINANCIAL CORP. / P.O. BOX 57250 / SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH 84157
MR. JOHNSON -- THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS, BUT THERE IS NO NEED TO KISS UP. DO, HOWEVER, INCLUDE ALL THE ACCOLADES ON THE PRESS RELEASE ANNOUNCING MY HIRING. INFORM THE INVESTORS THAT AS C.F.O. I WILL IMPLEMENT A NEW ACCOUNTING PRINCIPLE I LIKE TO CALL "ROUNDING TO THE NEAREST BILLION." LET'S FACE IT, PIDDLING AROUND WITH ANY SMALLER INCREMENTS IS A WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME. ALSO, NO NEGATIVE NUMBERS ARE ALLOWED ON ANY REPORTS. A NEGATIVE NUMBER IS JUST IMAGINARY AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED. UNDER MY DIRECTORSHIP, WE WILL BE STRICTLY POSITIVE. EVERY THIRD WEDNESDAY WILL BE HAT DAY, ODD NUMBERED FRIDAYS ARE SCARF DAYS (I DO ACCEPT ODD NUMBERS, USUALLY), AND ONCE A WEEK BRING YOUR BOSS TO LUNCH TIMES WILL BE MANDATORY. YODELING CONTESTS WILL BE OPTIONAL. I LIKE BURRITOS.