IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS? HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ... [BLANK] / PRESIDENT & C.O.O. / MISTER RUBBISH / 48797 ALPHA DRIVE / SUITE 150 / WIXOM, MICHIGAN 48393
DEAR MR. RUBBISH -- HAVE YOU SEEN MY LACE DOILY? GRETCHEN ACCIDENTALLY THREW IT AWAY AGAIN. AS YOU KNOW FROM LAST TIME, IT IS MY LUCKY DOILY. I BRING IT EVERYWHERE I GO WITH END TABLES. IT WAS HAND-SHORN BY MY DANISH UNCLE WHILE RECOVERING FROM HIS YODELING TRIP TO NORWEGIA. SO IT'S A FAMILY HEIRLOOM. (NOT A "HAIR-LOOM™", WHICH WE ALSO SELL.) ANYWAY, I AM PATIENT, BUT FELIX IS ALL RILED UP. HE SAYS "YOU TELL MR. RUBBISH THAT IF HE KEEPS YOUR DOILY, YOU'LL KEEP HIS TRASH. CAPEESH?" FELIX WANTS TO PLAY HARDBALL. LET'S NOT LET IT COME TO THAT, OLD FRIEND. (HE ONLY USES THE TERM "CAPEESH" WHEN HE REALLY MEANS BUSINESS. AT LEAST SINCE THE COCONUT BONKING INCIDENT.) ON OTHER MATTERS, HAS ANYONE EVER THROWN AWAY ONE OF THOSE SINGLE-SIDED BREAD TOASTERS? I COULD USE A SPARE.