Postcards to Strangers
Actual postcards sent to people I don't know ... and some that YOU do.
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IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS?  HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ...
[BLANK] [BLANK] / VICE PRESIDENT, HUMAN RESOURCES / LEDGELIGHT FEDERAL CREDIT UNION / P.O. BOX 499 / GROTON, CONNECTICUT 06340-0499 / DEAR MS. [BLANK] -- I AM WRITING REGARDING YOUR VACANT PRESIDENT/CEO POSITION.  IT WAS A PLEASURE INTERVIEWING WITH YOU AND THOSE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.  (WHO WERE THOSE GUYS ANYWAY?  I ASSUME THEY WERE WITH YOU.)  IN ANY EVENT, I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT YOU HAVE NARROWED DOWN YOUR CANDIDATES TO ME AND ONE OTHER FELLOW.  LET'S CALL HIM "STEVE" (EVEN THOUGH HIS NAME IS GARY.)  ANYWHO, MY SOURCES (SALLY IN HR) TELL ME THAT "STEVE" IS UNFIT FOR THE JOB.  FAR BE IT FROM ME TO BESMIRCH ANYONE, BUT RUMOR HAS IT THAT "STEVE" IS SO POMPOUS THAT HE GOES TO THE ZOO JUST SO THE ANIMALS CAN GAWK AT HIM.  (SALLY'S WORDS, NOT MINE.)  WHEREAS I, ON THE OTHER HAND, EXHIBIT ASTONISHING HUMILITY IN LIGHT OF MY UTTERLY BRILLIANT ACCOMPLISHMENTS.  THIS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO OVERCOME MY STOOPING PROBLEM.  PLUS, WHAT I LACK IN WHEREWITHAL I MAKE UP FOR IN RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION.  I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR OFFER, CONGRATULATIONS.