IS MY HANDWRITING TOO SLOPPY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS? HERE'S THE TEXT OF THE ABOVE CARD ... [BLANK], PH.D. / GEOLOGY DEPARTMENT / UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, DAVIS / ONE SHIELDS AVENUE / DAVIS, CALIFORNIA 95616 / PROFESSOR [BLANK]! GOOD NEWS! I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED A BRAND NEW PREHISTORIC CREATURE. I CALL IT A "BONEY PLATED FUR BELLY," BECAUSE I HAVE EXTRAPOLATED THAT THAT'S WHAT IT MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE BASED ON THE FOSSIL. IT WAS RIGHT THERE ON THE BOTTOM OF MY SLIPPER. CRESCENT SHAPED AND COARSE, IT'S CLEARLY QUITE OLD. (GRETCHEN THINKS IT'S JUST A TOE-NAIL CLIPPING, BUT WHO IS SHE TO JUDGE?) MY RESEARCH HAS CONFIRMED THAT THIS FOSSIL IS FROM A BONEY PLATED FUR BELLY IN THE REGION OF ITS NAPE OF THE NECK. I HAVE BUILT A FULL-SCALE MODEL TO PROVE IT. THESE CREATURES USED TO TRAVERSE WETLAND AREAS SEEKING MOLLUSKS FOR NOURISHMENT AND COMPANIONSHIP UNTIL THE INEXPLICABLY BECAME EXTINCT WITHOUT EXPLANATION. THEY DID NOT PARTICIPATE IN HIGHER FUNCTIONS LIKE BANJO PLAYING, THOUGH THEY ARE RUMORED TO HAVE HAD SHIFTY EYES.